the dead follows me to the bedroom

For All Saints’ Day, let me share a poem, “The Dead Follows Me to the Bedroom.”⁣

⁣An earlier version of this piece was part of a 14-poem suite titled “The Shape of Days” which was first published in Agwat-Hilom, an anthology produced by the National Committee on Literary Arts of the National Commission for Culture and the Arts (NCCA), which gathered literary works on the COVID-19 pandemic from writers across the Philippines back in 2020.⁣

⁣Five years later, pandemic or not, the losses we continue to endure, especially those fueled by mismanaged state funds, still haunt us just the same. 

new poems in philippines graphic reader

So thrilled to share with you that my mini suite of poems titled "Four Poems for the Future" is now published in the July 2022 issue of Philippines Graphic Reader, the literary magazine of Philippines Graphic.

Included in this suite are the works "2022," "Nothing's Too Far," "Flower, Proposed Addendum to Definition of," and "Poem for the Future."

Exceptionally happy to see it featured on the front cover of the magazine with an illustration by Jimbo Docena Albano. Many thanks to the literary editor Marra PL Lanot and Editor-in-Chief Psyche Roxas Mendoza for graciously giving these poems a home. 

It is also heartening to be back in Philippines Graphic; my last work published within its pages was in February 2012 with the poem "How to Not Write Another Story." One could only wish more magazines—like Philippines Free Press and Story Philippines—would return to print publication, reenergized and all too welcome to feature a variety of Filipino literary voices.

The Philippines Graphic Reader can be ordered online thru the Lazada link here.

new poems and fiction in novice magazine, annual print issue no. 4

So the news is finally out. My works of poetry and prose will be published in the 4th annual print issue of Novice Magazine, a print and digital art platform that gathers creative works on emerging trends, evolving culture, and everything in between.

My poems in the magazine are "Pareidolia in Nine Haikus" and "The Definitive Abandon (or The Centipede)."

My works of prose are the flash fiction entries "The Price We Pay," "It Is More Infinite in Silence," and "Dear Reader."

Excited to see these written works alongside the most exciting art from Filipino creatives to date. This is the first time in a long while that I'll have this much work printed in one publication. I hope you can get a copy. Details to be announced soon.

[ photos borrowed from Novice Magazine's Facebook page ]

new poems published in katitikan

Two of my poems—“Cleaning the Attic” and “Sky Over Cairns”—are in the second issue of Katitikan, the Literary Journal of the Philippine South.

This latest edition, which is now live and can be viewed here, taps on the theme of “Space and Place.” Today’s Leap Day is not that bad after all.

new poem for the holidays in the sunday times magazine

Happy holidays, my loves! My poem “The Walk Toward Home on a Holiday Season” is published today in The Sunday Times Magazine (22 December 2019), the magazine supplement of The Manila Times newspaper. This will be my Christmas treat for you!

You can buy the paper at your nearest newsstands and bookstores. Here is a link to the poem in case you can’t get a physical copy.

how to make an accident

A passerby stopped by the table, paused, and asked me, how are we supposed to create an accident? Is it even still an accident? I said, it is for you to find out within its pages.

How to Make an Accident is my second collection of poems. Just leave a message if you want to get a copy.

my latest poem published in the sunday times magazine

I just got a new poem, "The Wait at the Doctor's Clinic," recently published in The Sunday Times Magazine (10 November 2019), the magazine supplement of The Manila Times newspaper. So happy this made print; I literally wrote this while I waited for my turn at the doctor's clinic.

It is also available online. Here is a link to the poem.

last copies here

Out of 75 copies, I am down to my last seven copies of my poetry chapbook Weights & Cushions.

In June of this year, I made an initial print of 25 copies for Silliman University and DumAlt.Press’ LGBTQ Zine and Book Fest. Not much was sold during the festival, but friends and relatives here and from someplace else thought it was a good idea to buy and support my work. I am so grateful for these beautiful supportive souls. Apparently news reached New Zealand, Australia, Costa Rica, New York, California, etc etc. And I was running out of copies, so I made another print of 50 copies a week later. And today this is what’s left of it.

Five of these are actually going to Roxas City in the province of Capiz for VIVA ExCon 2018 this week—along with an art zine I’m still working on (something I call Philippine Roast and Other Drawings)— that means, technically, I’d only have two copies in my hand.

It’s mostly a solo effort, doing everything on your own, one that many would like to call a “vanity project,” but it is this very criticism why I am doing all of this in the first place. Keep ‘em coming. .

another new poem published in the sunday times magazine

Hello, hello! My poem “Poetry as a Lesson in Relativity” is published in The Sunday Times Magazine (1 July 2018), the same magazine supplement of The Manila Times newspaper that published my other poem “Market in Matakana” last March. Just a bit sad though that I was not able to get a copy of the paper. But overall I am happy though, knowing that the magazine editor still welcomes my works.

Here is a link to the poem in case you, like me, couldn’t get a copy of the paper.

my baby

Finally. After weeks of preparation and unloading buckets of anxiety, let me introduce you to my first baby: Weights & Cushions, a chapbook of poetry by yours truly.

Most of the poems are first written sometime between 2007 and 2012, and most of them are previously featured in zines, journals, magazines and literary reviews like Dark Blue Southern Seas, Montage, Philippines Free Press, Philippines Graphic, and Quarterly Literary Review Singapore.

Fresh off the printers this morning are 30 copies—20 of which are going to Dumaguete for Silliman University's LGBTQ Zine and Book Fest on June 25, 2018 (Monday) at the SU Main Library, starting at 10AM. The remaining 10 copies would be for people within my perimeters who would think of getting one. If I’d run out of copies, I’d publish another set for you.

I am selling these for P200 each. A bit pricey, I know, because working things on your own turned out to be laborious and costly. (Shipping costs will also be shouldered by the buyer; which is P100 for shipments around the Philippines).

If you want to support and help out a local writer trying to sell his goods that he has worked with sweat and blood, feel free to drop me a message personally. Feed an artist and get him to pay the bills on time. Trust me, you are doing something good with your purchase. Hehe.

new poem published in ecopoetry anthology

A few days ago, I finally received my (paid) copies of Sustaining the Archipelago: An Anthology of Philippine Ecopoetry, which is edited by Rina Garcia Chua, who includes my work "Poetry as a Lesson in Botany" in the collection.

I believe this is the first of its kind in the country; an anthology that attempts to meditate on our nation's concerns and priorities under the lens of ecological understanding. The result is nothing short of fantastic. I just wished the book's contributors though won't have to buy their own copies. Not all writers are, you know, blessed with disposable income. Writing the poem is already hard enough for us. Heh heh.

new poem in the sunday times magazine

Now here’s something to be happy about. My poem “Market in Matakana” is published in The Sunday Times Magazine (11 March 2018), the magazine supplement of The Manila Times newspaper. The piece is inspired from a long drive to the North Island town of Matakana in New Zealand. I hope I did it justice though. That place was just brimming with so much beauty.

Here is a link to the poem in case you can’t get a copy of the paper.

balut beer ug balak 2018 : the heart is in the words

February is practically baptized by many as the Love Month. But last February 11 at the CPG Heritage House Open Grounds, the evening professed a different kind of love that goes beyond flowers, chocolates, and candlelit dinners.

In celebration of this year’s National Arts Month, Kaliwat ni Karyapa (KaKa) Writers Collective, with the support of the Center for Culture and Arts Development (CCAD) and the Office of the Governor of the Province of Bohol, opened the seventh iteration of Balut Beer ug Balak (which is concisely hashtagged on social media as #BBB2018).

Lutgardo "Gardy" Labad introduces Kontra-GaPi and Kasing Sining

What started as a struggle to get the literary arts recognized in the province’s many festivities is now an event that justly merits the praise and attention it received last Sunday night. Back in the old days, there was significant support for all forms of Boholano art—except for the literary. There were budget and regular gatherings for music, dance, painting exhibitions! Unfortunately, there was none whatsoever for poetry and other writing affairs. If there was one, only little was heard of it, the fanfare muted like a cold grave shrug.

Kontra-GaPi dazzles the audience with a rallying ethnic music (source: CCAD)

As a rebellion and as a need to balance the field, considering that our nation has a writer hordes cherish as their national hero (Jose Rizal) and once had a prolific Boholano writer-lawyer as a president (Carlos P. Garcia), like-minded individuals united and pushed for an activity that celebrated the letters. They put emphasis on poetry, our very own balak, because it does not only encapsulate the yearnings of the Boholano heart but also humanity’s soul. KaKa, the writers collective whose rich history demands a separate article, was at the forefront of this endeavor.

Theater arts group Kasing Sining performs an excerpt of the musical 'Dagon sa Hoyohoy' (source: CCAD)

So for Sandugo 2004, the balak was brought to the public space. Since it was first held at the formerly scenic city pier, a combination of balut and a glass of beer was unanimously deemed the most felicitous reward for (non-minor) readers and performers. No pressure from anyone to present; it was simply done for the joy of this groundbreaking occasion.

An obligatory photo of me trying to drive home the message while presenting my piece

Thus, Balut Beer ug Balak was born. The singular dream to have Bohol’s varied literary voices heard is now a reality. For its latest appearance, BBB has even become more than its namesake. With Lutgardo Labad’s considerable generosity, the event last Sunday was graced by UP Diliman’s Kontemporaryong Gamelan Pilipino (or better known as Kontra-GaPi), and our very own theater arts group, Kasing Sining, who presented an excerpt of the Boholano musical folk-epic Dagon sa Hoyohoy.

Becky Demetillo-Abraham of Inang Laya performs with Butch de Juan

And like most events, BBB was not spared of how things could never go as planned. It was unanticipated, the number of mambabalak and volunteer readers was high, and the programme lasted longer than it should be. There were several presenters who read their original works that touched on emotions that may be too big for them to grasp, like young singers straining for the celestial notes, while some disconcertingly tackled delicate issues with humor, which could have been handled with more sensitivity and thought, especially for impressionable minds. It’s a common misconception that spoken word poetry must always traverse the territory of crass and shock.

Some of the guests, performers, and readers of BBB 2018 (source: CCAD)

But in the end, creativity requires influence, and an occasion such as Balut Beer ug Balak provided the perfect avenue for this much-needed enlightenment, as seafarers to a fortified parola. We are each other’s guides. Possibly and hopefully, in its next iterations, BBB could be not only a regular gathering to celebrate the literary arts but also as an occasion for everyone to better map the landscape of our current realities and to better maneuver the terrains of the Boholano imagination and emotion.

See you next time!

Because poetry is confirmation. It sparks in you what you knew all along. It is the language of the heart and the soul and their attendant nuances—love and rage, celebration and loss, resistance and surrender—and all this makes the entirety of literature even more transcendent, beautiful.



[ the article is previously published in The Bohol Chronicle, 18 February 2018 ]

new poem up in quarterly literary review singapore

My poem “Habits” is published in the latest issue of Quarterly Literary Review Singapore, along with works by fellow Filipino authors such as Rodrigo Dela Peña Jr., who is one of the contemporary poets I look up to.

Early lines of this piece first came up in 2012, and through the years the poem took several phases of (re)formations. I dedicate this poem particularly to Lyde, Marianne, and Mars for being with me that one August night.

Okay, thank you for your time. You can check out the poems through the link here.

the cold still lingers in summer

Anti-Love Poem
Grace Paley


Sometimes you don’t want to love the person you love
you turn your face away from that face
whose eyes lips might make you give up anger
forget insult     steal sadness of not wanting
to love     turn away then turn away     at breakfast
in the evening     don’t lift your eyes from the paper
to see that face in all its seriousness     a
sweetness of concentration     he holds his book
in his hand     the hard-knuckled winter wood-
scarred fingers     turn away     that’s all you can
do     old as you are to save yourself     from love.



***

We all have reasons to turn our faces away, even if sometimes we would expect that no matter the direction, we would still see what we have worked so hard to refuse to see. But that is how things go on from now. Decisions are made, and we must stick to them. Else, the fear of returning to the very beginning.  Else, the pains both necessary and unnecessary.

cold

Love Poem
Richard Brautigan


It’s so nice
to wake up in the morning
all alone
and not have to tell somebody
you love them
when you don’t love them
anymore.



***


You know what’s sharp? The words of a poet. It is July, and the ground is damp, and the air is cold. Unfortunately for some of us, some hearts are colder you could hear them crack like thin sheets of ice stepped upon by angry feet. Look, the last leaf of a tree has fallen. Look the other way.

the kill list chronicles

I’ve always made a point to recount my day’s activities and musings on a journal before I go to sleep. Sometimes I’d skip an evening or two, but I would return to these missed journaling assignments and remember as much as I can how things have gone by, no matter how mundane they are. Lately, though, the blank spaces are creeping up and crowding the pages.

There are several reasons why: laziness, procrastination, too tired to even lift a pen, too many distractions and temptations, there is nothing new to say. Of course, everyone has something new to say. Filipinos are born to always have something to say, even to the point of being pointless. But living in this life right now, in the middle of a political climate that is downright suffocating, any interest to continue pushing through can easily be pronounced dead. Or killed, by default.

To make my point clear, let’s consider the latest man in highest office in our country, a man whose ego is as fragile as Chinaware (no pun intended), who also seems to be an enabler of hate and prejudice, and a champion for lack of empathy and common sense. Because of his irreverent methods on getting things done, there is no hiding the fact that the Philippines has become a bloodied den of vigilantes, injustices, and foul brazen language.

Years ago journal writing has been my refuge, my way of assessing my sanity each day. It’s like an anchor that keeps me put. But today, I do not even know where my sanity begins and where its opposite lies. All the time I track myself if I am functioning properly. Recounting my day that is preoccupied with so much hate and horror again and again can take its toll. That is why for the most part of a week I would try hard as hell to ignore the news like a former paramour who just left you without explanation but returned several years later to get your attention. You know how evil can get under your skin. There is no understating that each week leaves me sore and beat. It doesn’t also help that there is this barrage of noise from social media that could render me—or anyone, rather—emotionally and spiritually mangled.

And there is still six more years to go. I hope I could still muster the energy needed to recount what is needed to be recounted. If only it could bring back the dead.


*


My work “Poetry as a Lesson in Dwelling” is featured in The Kill List Chronicles, an online repository of the continuing protest literature in the Philippines. I’ve read to a small audience in a café an early version of this poem during the International Day of Peace last September 21. It was a celebration across the globe to commemorate the peace we have right now and the peace we want to achieve for the next generation. Coincidentally, it was also the very same day that former president and dictator Ferdinand Marcos declared the bloody Martial Law in the Philippines 44 years ago.

The contradictions, at least for me, were just hard to wrap around my head. 44 years have passed and yet here we are still trying to value and teach the meaning of freedom, respect, and decency. When people are supposed to keep in heart to never forget and to never repeat the history that once broke us, many backtrack instead to the primitive desire to kill without the slightest thought of implications.

This piece took me countless shots of struggling hours to get through. The poetry is personal, and the personal apparently is political. And that is hard. I always consider my works as drafts, and it has always been that way even if they are released to the open for any possible reader to stumble upon. But for this particular work I’ve had the feeling I ought to let it go, that it needs to be separated from my being. Thankfully, it found a place. I do hope we’ll find each other’s peace soon. I hope we will all learn how to dwell to get the dwelling we deserve in this country and in this world. I hope.

buwan ng mga akdang pinoy: ani 39

My work “Poetry as a Lesson in Zoology” will be included in the 39th edition of ANI, the official literary journal of the Cultural Center of the Philippines. What a heartwarming way to end this month. Good news: that’s one dream finally ticked off the bucket list. Bad news: I won’t be able to attend the book launching on September 23 at the CCP Silangan Hall, 5PM, with the same event also serving as a celebration for the 47th anniversary of CPP. Sayang.

This particular edition takes on the theme “Kahayupan: The Animal Kingdom,” and it is touted to be the thickest issue of ANI yet. It has the cover art by Neil Doloricon, and the published works are written in various languages like Filipino, Ilokano, Akeanon, Bikol, Bikol-Naga, Chavacano, Kinaray-a, and English. The ninety-one writers (from across the nation and across the globe) featured in this literary journal are the following:

Jose Marte A. Abueg
Jim Pascual Agustin
Vijae O. Alquisola
Jenalyn J. Aman
Mark Angeles
Rebecca T. Añonuevo
Genevieve Mae Aquino
Mark Joseph Z. Arisgado
Mark Anthony B. Austria
Elbert O. Baeta
Gil S. Beltran
Herminio S. Beltran
April Mae M. Berza
Julius D. Bulahan
Anabelle Calleja
Ernesto Carandang
F. Jordan Carnice
Dexter Cayanes
Jose Jason L. Chancoco
Melchor F. Cichon
Jasmine Cruz
M. Protacio de Guzman
Rodrigo dela Peña, Jr.
Francis Gallano Delgado
Charlie Anne I. Espiritu
Martin G. Genodepa
Joel Jacob
Sabina Marites Lañada
Marra PL. Lanot
Ireneo Jr. Lit
Nestor L. Lucena
Francis C. Macansantos
Priscilla Supnet Macansantos
Shur C. Mangilaya
Noahlyn Maranan
Vim Nadera
Ben D. Nillo
Richard P. Nollen
Allen Lenard Ocampo
Aldrin Pentero
Padmapani L. Perez
Honesto M. Pesimo, Jr.
Allan Popa
Frank Rivera
Glen A. Sales
Louie Jon A. Sanchez
E. San Juan, Jr.
John Patrick Solano
Ariel Tabag
John Iremil Teodoro
Glenn Ford B. Tolentino
Oswald A. Valente
Hope Sabanpan Yu
Jeffrey R. Ancheta
Ma. Rita Aranda
Emmanuel T. Barrameda
Ludwig Jan Batuigas
Janet Batuigas
Lorna A. Billones
Rina Garcia Chua
Joey Chua
Efren J. Domingo
U Z. Eliserio
Susan Lara
Andrian Legaspi
Perry Mangilaya
Eilyn L. Nidea
Ian Kenneth L. Orasa
Wilhelmina Orozco
Chuckberry J. Pascual
Ma. Angelica Edralyn R. Tuazon
Raul Esquillo Asis
Ana Maria Cuevas-Oliveros
Eugene Y. Evasco
Shur C. Mangilaya
Marilyn Marquez Mercado
Jasmin Tresvalles
Adelle Villarey
Christine S. Bellen
Emerson Bengco
Joshene Bersales
Grace D. Chong
Francis Gallano Delgado
Zarah C. Gagatiga
Luis P. Gatmaitan
Ferdinand Pisigan Jarin
Christine F. Godinez Ortega
Carla M. Pacis
Rosales S. Pagnamitan
Flor Salanga
Herbel Santiago.

[ image and information borrowed from this site ]

for our country, for our planet

After enduring the Climate Walk last week, a 99-kilometer journey on foot (more on to that in another post), I’ve received news that made all the effort even sweeter. My poem “Poetry as a Lesson in Botany” will be published in the landmark book, Sustaining the Archipelago: An Anthology of Philippine Ecopoetry, to be edited by Rina Garcia Chua. My piece will be in the company of many others from here and abroad, and the anthology's foreword will be written by Dr. Greg Garrard of the University of British Columbia, author of books such as The Ecocriticism Reader and The Oxford Handbook of Ecocriticism. Thank you, universe! There are those who question and criticize what I do and what I love to do in relation to my choices, passion, and advocacy, but here’s the thing: This is not only for me. Although a piece of literature is but a clump of words, it is the message that I hope would transcend all forms of constraint, either from the page or from a narrow mind. Carry on, guys!

the self as a performance to an audience, in five parts

Act I.
You are your home,
You are what you are at home,
You are what you are in your bedroom,
You are what you eat,
You are what you cook,
You are who you cook for,
You are what you took in the fridge,
You are the painting you hang in the living room,
You are the movies you watch,
You are the books you read,
You are the messages you delete after reading,
You are the magazines you browse,
You are the porn you browse,
You are the music you dance to,
You are the music you don’t listen to,
You are who you are when you don’t listen,
You are not the bangles you wear,
You are not the suits you fit,
You are not the heels you strut,
You are not Prada,
You are not Tom Ford,
You are not the thread count of your towel,
You are not the blanket that wraps your lover,
You are the sleep in your eyes at nine,
You are the glass of water by your bedside table,
You are the bottle of wine for the guests,
You are the fireplace during winter,
You are the windbreaker after spring,
You are the tight naked torso by summer,
You are what you need.

Act II.
You are your job,
You are the slides you make last night,
You are the overtime you take last night,
You are the residency you dream of in Sydney,
You are the blueprint of a two-storey house,
You are the bruise on your upper right arm,
You are the sprain in your left ankle,
You are the scars below your knees,
You are the birth control you take,
You are the idea of a girl with blond curly hair,
You are the result of a medical examination,
You are the HIV tests you regularly take,
You are the tricks you accomplish,
You are the lies that succeed,
You are the cost-cuts of higher management,
You are the opportunity you didn’t take,
You are the fortune you seek,
You are the fortune you don’t have,
You are the presidents you vote,
You are the vote,
You are the car you drive to work,
You are the calls you didn’t answer at work,
You are not what you are at work,
You are not the miles you run,
You are not the weights you lift at the gym,
You are not the strength of your grip,
You are not the curve of your ass,
You are not the girth of your cock,
You are not the heft of your breasts,
You are not what people say.

Act III.
You are your greeting in the morning,
You are your call at 2AM,
You are what happens after 8PM,
You are not the name you use on Grindr,
You are not the profile on Tindr,
You are your second and third Facebook accounts,
You are the drink you offer to a stranger at 10,
You are a stranger,
You are the stranger you take to your home,
You are the way you purse your lips,
You are the way you kiss,
You are the kiss you refuse to give,
You are what you do not do in bed,
You are the laughter you share,
You are your discussions over beer,
You are the friends you keep,
You are the friends you think you have,
You are the friends you choose,
You are the friends you use,
You are the beads of sweat at the bath house,
You are the grunt in the maze of hallways,
You are the gaze in the lobby,
You are the thrust of your hips in the dark,
You are the one-night stand,
You are what you stand for,
You are the hangover the following day,
You are the secrets you keep,
You are the family you go back to,
You are the people you miss,
You are the person you forgive.

Act IV.
You are the smile you flash to anyone,
You are the smile that twitches on one end,
You are the straight A’s in your report card,
You are the pat on the back from a colleague,
You are the certification you receive after the seminar,
You are the recommendation you write for a friend,
You are the promotion you get,
You are the bonus you receive,
You are the zeroes in your bank account
You are the game for golf late in the evening,
You are the plot of land somewhere in Mindoro,
You are the birthday party you celebrate ahead of time,
You are the superhero in red and blue tights for Halloween,
You are the heroes you look up to,
You are the gods you worship,
You are the saints you believe,
You are the myths you remember,
You are what you pray for,
You are your confessions,
You are not what you confess at 29,
You are the complaints you can’t keep to yourself,
You are the men you respect,
You are the vacation you think you deserve,
You are the sunset at the beach that warms your beer,
You are the tan-line of your swim trunks,
You are the SPF50 of your sun block,
You are the haircut you see in a fashion blog,
You are the moisturizer that costs as much as your sneakers,
You are the mascara and the lip gloss,
You are a mask.

Act V.
You are what you do,
You are what you think,
You are not who you think you are,
You are your desire,
You are your regret,
You are your guilt,
You are the voice in your head,
You are the pictures in your dreams,
You are a stroke of genius,
You are each stroke of paint you make,
You are the fiction you write,
You are the metaphor in your verse,
You are the low pitch in your voice,
You are the notes in a book you have not finished and returned,
You are what are not read between the lines,
You are the heart that is always on the line,
You are the welcome party in the airport,
You are the change of heart,
You are the change of profession in a quarter life crisis,
You are the jigsaw puzzle you complete after three months,
You are what you see in the sidewalks of EDSA,
You are what you deny to see,
You are the mistake you repeat twice,
You are taking back what you have said,
You are left alone,
You eat alone,
You sleep alone,
You are what you are alone,
You are alone,
You are better than that.