Friday, April 06, 2007

a very disturbing good friday

Ephesians 1:7-8
"For by the sacrificial death of Christ we are set free, that is,
our sins are forgiven. How great is the grace of God,
which he gave us in such large measure!"

We have been mingling with so many actualities these days that neither heightens our dictations for advancement nor give meaning to those that actually deserves care and praise. Then again, we only feel the loss when we discover that something, someone, which has changed the course of our lives that we always ignore have suddenly, without notice, closes their doors permanently from us.

Call this an annoying, lacking of mental perception, personal blog post but I love cats; cats which are highly social mammals that enjoy a vermin for a meal. Their tactile moves, their clandestine thinking, and their unassuming preference to something urbane, draw me closer to these animals. And what joy it brought to me when I found out the youngest house feline just gave birth to four little kittens last Tuesday, which was April 3, 2007. And as if there is always a remarkable contradiction for any aspect in return, I saw this afternoon two out of the four babies limp and lifeless in my shoe box they considered their first home. It depressed me a bit.

Like any melodramatic ominous scene, the skies turned dull and grey, rain pounding on our roofs for an hour until it stopped to allow my brother to dig a tiny hole in our backyard.

* * * *

1 Corinthians 12:26
"And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it;
or if one member is honored,
all the members rejoice with it."

On this same day, as if death is not enough, my father was admitted to the hospital right at the moment when I rested in the afternoon. Based on the doctor’s findings, my father was on his way to myocardial infarction, an occurrence when the blood supply to a part of the heart is interrupted, and in some other happenings, on the brink of heart attack.

My father was complaining this pain in his chest for days, reminding me of my own piercing feeling I apperceive up to now, pain which started ever since time I can barely remember. I did divulge this to other people in my sophomore year with this statement: “Sakit kaayo ako heart—literally.” And no one took it seriously, so life’s daily activities should go on.

The acceptance of a disregarded truth is indeed agonizing and I think my father had learned to do so since he gave up being tough and deaf to my mum’s suggestions—or should I say pleadings.

To suffer is humane, and not to is otherworldly.

One cannot question the existence of pain, raw or not. And before everything comes too late for the need of an unguarded enlightenment, I say let us put things into their proper places, steadfastly.

And my father being in that sterile hospital, with me on my way too of the same place, and with the loss of an adored pet, it is quite funny to think that I am still able to query this: “What’s next?”

It’s Good Friday after all.

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