death of a beloved

Great is the time of conception of things that would supposedly linger around your presence a little longer, but sad is the time too, in its bleakest point, once the realization of absence came upon you so abruptly you hardly even notice what went wrong.

The trouble with losing things, things that fall apart, and some things that tend to go away is that you are left in a solemn, depressing state of solitude. It is entirely melancholic wherein the previous day you were with him and everything was perfectly well and then on the following day, all energy and vibrancy of him are gone in a minute. Only you can feel this certain seclusion; external undertakings that seem to fill each hour of the day do not affect you the very least no matter how engaging they may be to other people. You may try moving on with the flow of events that may take place but the blot of loss is like an indelible mark that’s tinged upon your whole being eternally. The act of forgetting the whole grim affair is like a thousand miles away from human existence, or most probably, it is cleared off from everyone’s mind.

It was said on that one fateful day of revelation that there was a chance of bringing him alive but, unfortunately, I may not see within him the same way I’ve witnessed from him the very beginning so I dejected the idea and left. What use of having him with me like an automaton?

A renewal may be the perfect description. But I don’t need anything new. What I need are the now-lost memories of both wistful thoughts and calloused happiness. Basically, it is just so sad. That’s all. But I’ve learned it’s not all, really. The continuous swinging of the pendulum may help remedy this acerbic response of demise and hopefully this familiar denial will go away as soon as possible. Well, it is always like this in life—you just have to hope until hope only resembles a cigarette stick.

And yes, it is confirmed. Just last December 16, he was diagnosed as dead. Useless. All files lost. Bullfrog, a 512MB flash drive, was bought last October 2006 and abated, all of a sudden, in an internet café last December 15.
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