blank

I will forever look forward

on things past

because, this way, I will learn

to detest people who have wasted my time.

Jan 29 / 08 (12:01am)

___________________________________________

it was said

The mouth is really amazing. It gives us the ability to talk, to shout, to whisper, and without it, to eat is near-impossible; unless breakthrough scientific findings will suggest that there’s another way of getting our food into our bodies.

The mouth is really dreadful. It gives us heresies, unsolicited gossips, backbites, and without these, life would seem much easier to handle; unless we are as insensitive as a huge rock beneath the crashing waters of the falls.

The mouth is really unbearable. It gives more questions than answers when it is closed, hurting reality when it is opened, and more agonizing guesses when it is half-closed, half-opened; unless we are conceptualized by some divine being without this part of our body there will be no more problem that concerns the truth.

And the upshot is that it was said—nothing more, nothing less—on that uneventful dawn of January 19. The words that came out from that mouth were neither helpful nor flawed. It just left me awfully scared, awfully alone.
________________________________________________________

all things go

1. MDG Summit for Young Filipino Leaders 2008
I must admit that even though I am currently the president of an organization that must have hands-on work on this new event, I have always placed the whole idea at the back of my head. It is easy to say that there are more important things to be stored in my racked-up brain than filling it with some activity that either gives stress to my whole being or pain in the most unexpected areas but since I think these words of “protest” would giveaway an instant reaction from hardcore workaholics, I would just say that I am very glad this special event has come to an end.

2. People
And yes, they suddenly appear out of nowhere and you'll just be surprised that the old times has just been overhauled and redecorated you hardly notice the original characteristics you once pointed out before so easily. But then again, after minutes of weird contemplation, great conception struck you hard you are finally aware of it again. And then inside your head, you think everything is fine. You feel happy.

The moment is steered by the peers surrounding you that negative energies seem to repel from your smile alone. All of a sudden, the time is up and no matter how you decide things by tossing a coin, on which face it would fall on top of your sweaty palms, head or tail, they have to pack up and leave and there’s nothing you can do.

3. Fleeting Moments of Joy and Guilt
Fleeting moments of joy and guilt are brief instances that occur in people’s lives in the most unexpected time; whether it is the moment when a writer finds his lost ballpen under a table, or a lady who finally discovers her favorite dress at the farthest corner of her wardrobe, or even when a child accidentally ruins his friend’s toy. All of these, good or bad, sum up to the final feeling that we have at the end of the day. Also, these moments is not only limited to material things, it could also be the loss of someone important or the desire to help a stranger. Basically, it is everything.

Most people have not felt their presence hovering above their heads or simply lingering around them because these transitory articles are much more felt to people who are keen (or perhaps have enough time to wonder) on the littlest things that occur in their day-to-day activities and, usually, when feelings towards something or someone are leaning on the extremes; extreme happiness or extreme loneliness. Their existence can also be clearly acknowledged if tension or pleasure is backed up with a state of confusion. And the key to eradicate this confusion is decision-making. This comes into play of which this part is, indeed, very crucial.

When time comes that we have to decide, when we are on the edge of things, we usually fall short on static ideas purportedly to be the right ones when it fact the solution is the other way around. We plummet on the other end of things. Our decisions are hazy. And as of this moment, things have never been this hazier. I am currently in a diaspora of disorientation and numbing pain.

As a matter of fact, that must be the reason why they are called “fleeting;” their role is to make us think then decide before everything is too late in the shortest time we could imagine. In order to compensate for their immediate short span of existence, we have to think fast. We have to make up our minds as soon as possible.

_________________________________________________

the other end

Today, I would hide
for his coming
for hounding crows
for a mark
that even the stars
fear they cannot hide its vastness
painted on my heaving chest.

Someday, I would aspire
for his sins
for switchings
for a song
that allows the sun
not to shine upon me,
the delight of lurking in the shadow.

Tomorrow, I would find
for his perfume
for fallacies
for a piece of fiction
wherein fantasies
benefits as something factual,
wherein the flow of words hums in my ears.

Or maybe none of these.

In each and every day
I would only look
for the night when fingers intertwined,
dark and light,
and when lips seal on places
it should not have been
let me do this,
let me close the lids
of those eyes,
let me cover the lips
of that mouth
for it still remains true,
truer than nature,
that by doing these
we both celebrate and grieve
the birth of distance.

(for A. whom I should have never mused minutes ago)
________________________________________________________________

mdg summit 2008

The United Nations Youth Association of the Philippines (UNYAP) is hosting the National Millennium Development Goals (MDG) Summit for Young Filipinos this week; actually it formally started yesterday, January 10-13, 2008 in Silliman University, Dumaguete City, Negros Oriental with the theme “B.I.L.I.B. Young Leaders: Stand Up, Move, Lead!” B.I.L.I.B refers to Believe, Innovate, Lead, Inspire and Build.

Our organization, Kadugong Bol-anon, is one of the many student organizations involved in this nationwide activity. From political parties (alright, socio-civic organizations!), frat-sor, academic groups, and many more, let's just hope this unusual gathering of sorts will end up as pleasant and orderly as it was first conceptualized.

Good luck.
_______________________________________________________

away

MY BUTTERFLY
Castro-Fundales, Orange and Lemons

Will you take me with you
And share the night
With flaring passion
The moon is fool and she's smiling so cool
And I hate to spend the night alone again

Well it's not very easy
To live a life like this
With all the space between us
You won't let me fill

Even when I try to make things work
It leaves me awfully unnerved
And I'm sure
You'd give in to my desires
My Butterfly

Will you take me with you
And share the night
With flaring passion
The moon is fool and she's smiling so cool
And I hate to spend the night alone again

Maybe your painstakin' eyes just don't see me
As someone you'd probably give
A love so unsullied and pure

But even when I try to make things work
It leaves me awfully unnerved
And I'm sure
You'd give in to my desires
My pillow, my bottle of wine

Will you take me with you
And share the night
With flaring passion
The moon is fool and she's smiling so cool
And I hate to spend the night alone again

My Butterfly...
My Butterfly...
My Butterfly...
My Butterfly...

________________________________________________________

romeo forbes children's storywriting competition 2008

There’s no denying, Romeo Forbes Children’s Storywriting Competition is getting tougher annually. For this year, the competition committee releases a painting (oil on canvas) by Joy Mallari for the participants to base their stories on. Thought-provoking? It really is, so let’s put on those thinking caps before deadline comes.

For more information, click here.

_________________________________________________________

the new year

Explosions that I think shook the basement of our house which also made our household cats hide in the kitchen, heavy pounding on our piano with crazy notes reverberating every corners of our house, countless jumps that must have created little clouds of dirt in our heels; these were some of the many insane acts we did to celebrate the momentous time as the clock struck midnight.

If we greeted the coming of a new year last year with a scare—with knives, leather jackets, and Santa hats—we welcomed the latest 365 days, literally, with a bang. The scare was still there, but we tweaked the factor a bit. Last dawn, we acted out an espionage drama. For the year 2008, we had guns and shades. Blag!

I find it amusing that we actually tried out three genres so far: fantasy (2006), suspense (2007), and spy thriller (2008). It was fun. Call us weird but we really loved what we were doing.

_______________________________________________________

the old year

I always find online surveys the most mundane thing ever conjured up by the most disconcerted and bored internet surfer in the world. But in one way or another, I recently find that it also serves a good—if not best—assessment of one’s self so before anyone would inflict curses on me for having stated my first line with so much loathing, pardon me and let me have a take on this New Year Survey.

What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?

Stand up to what I really believe. Literally; standing up and shouting back.

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

There are some that I did keep till the end of the year and there are some that I will continue for this year.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Supposedly, my sister but the child doesn’t want to see the world.

Did anyone close to you die?
Though not that close, Alzen Joy Icalina was one person who I knew well.

What countries did you visit?
Philippines. Philippines. And Middle Earth.

What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?

Aside from great (not only good) grades that most people are awfully looking forward to, I would like to have a good ear and a better mouth.

What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

August 4 would be it. Why? Well, the date just comes into my mind.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Telling someone, finally, that water ants are existing.

What was your biggest failure?

I almost failed in Tradition of Drama. Got into an immense silent dispute between an acquaintance. And there are some people who I haven’t told yet that water ants are real.

Did you suffer illness or injury?

I didn’t feel that much pain this year compared last year which was caused by a very rare ailment.

What was the best thing you bought?
Shoes. I finally bought a pair of shoes from my very own money.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

Can’t think of any. Maybe I am just so apathetic I do not notice anyone’s celebratory behavior.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

This time, there’s one. The person indeed brought a lot of sighs from me.

Where did most of your money go?

Food. There goes the guilt!

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I am in my third year now and most of my subjects are pure, hardcore Creative Writing subjects. Actually, I am drowning in letters even this Christmas break.

What song(s) will always remind you of 2007?

Moonlane Gardens, and My Butterfly by Orange and Lemons and Two of Us by Aimee Mann.

Compared to this time last year, are you:

1. happier or sadder? – Never been this sad.

2. thinner or fatter? – Fatter and loving it.

3. richer or poorer? – Poorer. Every move has its price I have to pay.

What do you wish you'd done more?

Seriously hone my craft.

What do you wish you'd done less of?

Wandering, both physically and mentally, in broad daylight.

How many one-night stands?

Plenty. I tell you, it is hard standing on one leg while breathing fire to amuse people’s fervent desires for three straight hours. Nah, of course, nothing.

What was your favorite TV program?

Not much TV viewing in the year 2007.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Yes, so much, but the opposite is much stronger than the previous feeling.

What was the best book you read?

I expect it to be the final book of the Harry Potter series (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows) but it did not hit a mark. Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe and One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez are, without doubt, books that influenced my writings that year.

What was your greatest musical discovery?

I have a singing voice. I can actually sing up to the note of “me!” Do-re-me! Do-re-me!

What did you want and get?

As for a material thing, I have a lap now that has a great top.

What was your favorite film of this year?

Pan’s Labyrinth shakes my senses and it feels good. Ang Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros was one ambitious local leap, too.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Bumming around in our ancestral house and still stagnating at nineteen. My birth date always falls on the vacation season that's why I can’t celebrate it with some acquaintances.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I should have stretched my perception of certain things more.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?

Great. I did astound a few orthodox.

What kept you sane?

Almost-daily poetic nosebleeds.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

As what I’ve said earlier, not much TV viewing that year but Angel Locsin and the Piolo-Sam controversy did get my attention.

What political issue stirred you the most?

Joseph Ejercito Estrada’s release and Oprah Winfry’s support to Barack Obama (and I appreciate it).

Who did you miss?

My mother (of course, she’s in our hometown while I’m stuck in Dumaguete), Marianne Catherine Tapales, and one odd water ant.

Who was the best new person you met?

Who else but the quirkiest newswriter in the Weekly Sillimanian office: Junie! Good thing we did not clash with each other. Imagine a dancer and a frustrated writer talking incessantly about all sorts of things in every possible gathering, now that’s a weird combination.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.

Lyde quoted this line for me of which, humility aside, comes from a short story I wrote: “Waiting is never a stressful task nor is it unproductive, as long as you are willing to accept the end as it is, good or bad. Waiting is rewarding.”

What was the nicest thing someone told you about yourself?
“…don’t let undue anxiety get in the way.” I am trying hard to follow this. Thanks for the advice.

The most touching experience you've had that year?

A hug while tricycles and other vehicles run beside us.

What did you like most about yourself that year?

I soften up a bit.

What did you hate most about yourself this year?

Sentimentality, being a crammer, and excessiveness in things tangible and not.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Will you take me with you
And share the night
With flaring passion
The moon is full and she's smiling so cool

And I hate to spend the night alone again.

Well it's not very easy
To live a life like this
With all the space between us
You won't let me fill
Even when I try to make things work
You leave me awfully unnerved
And I'm sure
You'd give in to my desires
My butterfly.

Was 2007 a good year for you?

Though full of bitter surprises, it is sorely great.

What was your favorite moment of the year?
I force myself to assume that it mustn’t be my favorite. Straightforward, I am not telling.

What was your least favorite moment of the year?

I force myself to assume that it mustn’t be my least favorite. Straightforward, I am not telling.

Where were you when 2007 began?
Tagbilaran City, Bohol; specifically at Calceta Street, Cogon District.

Who were you with?

Who should I be with?! My family, of course.

Where will you be when 2008 ends?

Same place as to where I begin it.

Who will you be with when 2008 ends?

Same aging bunch of jesters.

Do you have a new year’s resolution for 2007?

1. Be a stone for pete’s sake.

2. Eat more but spend less (love this contradiction in terms)

3. Better writing skill or specifically write in regimented shortness.

4. Better memory but has the ability to immediately trash some sticky trash.

5. And more.

What was your favorite month of 2007?

December. Lot of things happen in this crammed up month.

Did you lose anybody close to you in 2007?

Yes.

What was your favorite record from 2007?

Okay, music once again. Café Bossa by Sitti and Moonlane Gardens of Orange and Lemons.

How many concerts did you see in 2007?

One? A piano concert to be exact.

Did you drink a lot of alchohol in 2007?

Nope. Ask anyone who knows me. Go.

Do a lot of drugs in 2007?

Yes? Whappak!

You do anything you are ashamed of this year?

If it is considered a shameful act, well, yes.

How much money did you spend in 2007?

Just a hint: My wallet can be categorized as under-nourished every week.

What was your proudest moment of 2007?

Not much to be proud of but I was awarded Most Outstanding Male Sophomore of the College of Arts and Sciences considering there were more guys out there who were more deserving.

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2007?

Countless moments, must-be-forgotten moments.

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2007 and change something, what would it be?

Go back to this particular class last school year, second semester and not speak to this particular person.

What are your plans for 2008?

Be stronger. Live up to my military high school class’s batch distinction: Matatag.

How are you different now that the year has ended?

I am slowly becoming what I am destined to be.

What are your wishes for the New Year?

I wish to have an unlimited supply of concentrated joy, a dozen of preserved patience, a huge box filled with canned contentment, a daily dosage of flavored solidity, a handful of real acquaintances, and a monthly spa treatment of understanding.

_______________________________________________________